That whole picture in place of a write up thing was pretty fun , and I’m a little surprised that people actually downloaded albums, but I’m a big mouth and I’ve got to too much pent up aggression to let the pictures do the talking. So on that note, I decided to call some people out and write up my new “People I Want to Fight” list. So if you’re someone who is actually capable of organizing these events then let’s set it up and we can stream it on line and all make some cash. Side note, the people on this list will have to travel to fight me as I am certain they have much more money than I do. However, I will provide cold drinks and a commemorative tee shirt for all participants. Here’s the people who deserve a fist to the face:
1.) Vampire Weekend.
Easy target I know but I have no idea how many people are actually in this band yet I’m fairly certain I can fight them all at once and defeat them all.
2.) The guy who does the Apple commercial voice overs.
Even worse than the Olive Garden guy in that he has that smug/detached nasal voice thing going on. And he says “yeah” or “yup” in every fucking commercial. Ooh…so casual and cool like all the saps who buy your shit. I doubt you’ll sound so nonchalant with a broken nose.
3.) The guy who does the voice overs for Olive Garden commercials.
There is no way that you can actually be that enthusiastic for such shitty food. Do you do back flips everytime your AIDS tests continue to come back positive too?
4.) Girls who talks with that whistle s sound.
When the shit did this fake accent start? It couldn’t have been that long ago. I recently had to leave a table full of friends because some girl sat down with them. She seemed really great, but I couldn’t stand to hear her talk. That shit grates on the ears. And I will smack a bitch.
5.) That dude who tried (and failed) to cut me off yesterday.
I got your license plates fucko and I will find you
6.) Connor Oberst (Bright Eyes)
7.) Sufjan Stevens
Kinda suffers from the “good band/shitty fans” syndrome. But, honestly guy, you caused way too many problems. The jury’s still out if the nails and crucifix were enough.
9.) A cow.
Just because I want to prove my friends wrong. I don’t think a human can actually beat up a cow. I won’t lose, I won’t win, but my friends will owe me money.
10.) My kid brother Skvtt.
I love the guy to pieces but I seem to recall a time when I was about 8 and I was running down the stairs and he kicked me in the dick. Gird thy loins brother, they are due to meet the pointy end of my boot soon.
So this rant has fuck all to do with the album. It’s just what I imagine playing as I do my celebratory, victory lap around the loser’s carcass (I my mind I kill them with one fatal blow). I have a feeling this will also make you feel like the true champion that you are. Go get ‘em tiger.