Caïna

As far as I know, Caïna is the work of one lone Englishman. It doesn't sound like he's all that happy. Perhaps it the eel pies and blood sausages. This is his most recent e.p. And while I enjoy his entire catalog, I'm more interested in the experimentation he's been incorporating on his most recent releases. There's more of a post-rock (yeah, I know the term sucks) sound and more melody or something. Really pretty at moments. And you gotta like a guy whose claims "I don't want more people to listen to my music, just better people."

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Angelic Process-Weighing Souls with Sand

Here's another duo, but unlike Defuntos' thin minimalism, Angelic Process pumps bliss into your ears at a maximalist rate. The super distortion of My Blood Valentine and Jesus & Mary Chain mixed with Tim Hecker's droney buzz is the foundation for the songs. Add in some pummeling drums and some vocals, and you've got a pretty great disc. Please don't call it metalgaze.

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Defuntos-Sangue Morto

Sweden, Norway, Brazil, Japan, Germany, France-these are the countries I typically think of when daydreaming about non-u.s. metal. Portugal, sorry but I rarely think of you at all, and especially not for metal. Fado maybe, but nothing grim and lurching like this album. I think I read somewhere that this 2 piece has a Beefheart-like sound and I was intrigued. But I guess my ears are fucked since I'm not hearing it. Maybe you will. Instead, there's some really nice repetitive lo-fism whipped up by this guitar/drum combo that always relaxes me.

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Hypothermia-Kaffe & Blod

Well, let's try to get a little more metal in before the month's end. If you heard the Lifelover album posted last month, then this might be of interest as Hypothermia share band members. There's still the element of gloomy gothiness, but there's an added sense of improvisation that gives these 2 lengthy tracks an unexpected sound. Hmm...maybe like the Cure if they decided to become metal hippies with a 90s indie infatuation. Dunno if that makes sense.

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Nuit Noire-Fantomic Plenitude

Done praising Jesus yet? Want to punch your dad in the face? Gain 10 pounds eating bland holiday foods? Then it's probably a good time to return to some metal. In this instance, you're getting some pretty out there French weirdos. Describing their sound as "Faerical Blasting Punk" these people clearly shun the typical gloom & doom sourpussisms that can make black metal a drag. Yeah, they really sing about fairies. Is it okay for black metal to be fun?

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They Were Tight Bros. Way Back When

People are starting to sound pretty ridiculous. I'm no language purist, and I certainly concede that languages must evolve, however, that doesn't mean I'm going to participate in these stupid language trends that are often just products of commercial speak. So here's a list of words/saying that shall never appear here: chill, extreme, actually, apps. (applications or appetizers), 3g, paradigm, outside the box, absolutely, 24/7, all about, ginormous (or anything that would sound appropriate coming out of Rachel Ray's putrid mouth),whatever, random, seriously, angsty, really, anything my students would say in their daily conversations, fair enough, kudos, it's all good, upgrade. Shit, that took me 10 seconds and I'm barely even getting to the core of the list. So, let's put that aside for now. Instead, here's a tape of some people who really know how to talk. Yeah, it's just talking the whole time. They do talk about metal for a little bit, so I think it fits the month's theme. But really it's so much more than just talking. I'm not sure if this whole thing is a hoax or what, but it's definitely funny.

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Drudkh-Anti-Urban

Well, the posts have slowed down a little since returning home, but tell me, would you rather dick around on a blog or eat some foie gras hot dogs? Right, I thought so. While I take personal offense to the title of this e.p. I still am blown away by this Ukrainian group. Sometimes thye have some odd, wanky solos, sometimes there's some Sonic Youth-like riffing, and then there's the Ukrainian folk strum. They even have some tunes that sound like fucking Zamfir's pan flute shit.

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Quest for Blood

Ah, flute alors. Normally, the basic drums, guitar, bass, vocals set up works perfectly fine for metal. I typically wouldn't suggest fucking with it or else you could end up with a whole string section wanking away and burying what everyone really wants to hear. And use those keyboards tastefully too. Now flutes are even more deadly. Rarely, is there ever a time where I want to hear some flute. Jean Cohen-Solal- yes. Early Jethro Tull-sure, okay. And I'm sure there's a few more. But flutes & metal, not ever. Except for this anomaly. I'm not saying it works the whole time, but it is interesting. Give it a listen.

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Amesoeurs

This is the complementary post to Alcest. It's another French band that takes more cues from Loveless than De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas. I guess there's always been some overlap between the genres since both rely so heavily on layers of droney buzz, so this whole hybrid shouldn't be all that unexpected. It's just that I'm a little surprised by how much attention it's receiving. Yeah, these are both good albums, but really I'm posting them since I think these albums might be enjoyed by my metal hating friends. Why are we friends again?

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Hanoi Rocks-Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Hanoi Rocks

Ugh...Nothing raises the ire like lame ass irony. So please believe, this post isn't some kinda "wink, wink, look how funny this album is." No, this album is just fun 80s rock and there tain't nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, this band is more well known for losing their drummer (Nicholas 'Razzle' Dingley) to Vince Neil's drunken antics, but this band should be recognized as more than just a Motley Crue footnote. Self Destruction Blues might be their best album, but this one works just as well, methinks. So to all of you fuckheads out there posturing in your new "vintage" wildlife shirts and rapist glasses, shut the fuck up, you're no O Henry.

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Pussygutt-She Hid Behind Her Veil

Metal name-check. Metal looking cover-check. One 45 minute instrumental doom dirge-check mate. I guess this could almost be consider more classical than metal, but that's the problems with any taxonomic system; there's always far too many exceptions that make rigid categorization impossible. So give the classifications a rest would ya, classification master and just enjoy the beauty herein. Extra points go to the band for being from Boise.

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Ulver- Kveldssanger

Phew, that was a long time off. My stolen internet was acting up and I had to deal with a massive stack of student portfolios (and all the crying and whatnot that comes along with that whole process). Then there was the long drive back home to Chicago. But no blizzards this year, so I guess I should just shut my maw. Anyways, this was the prefect soundtrack to that long, grey drive. I think one of the complaints people typically have with metal (especially those unfamiliar with the genre) is that they think it all sounds the same. Hopefully, the releases I've posted this month will make a few people see just how diverse it truly can be. And this is a great example of a metal band that continuously sounds un-metal. Currently, Ulver is exploring the electronic black hole that Coil fell into. But this is their Nordic folk maelstrom. It's completely acoustic and features some pretty/dark arrangements that I'm sure threw off fans expecting that black metal buzz. Time to set sail for Valhalla.

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Mercyful Fate-Melissa

This was a tough call. Don't Break the Oath is equally as essential as this release. Find it elsewhere. I thought I go with a true classic today. If your in the mood for some 80s metal then look no further. Here, King Diamond's vocal histrionics really reach their pinnacle. Soaring falsetto never sounded better.

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Mütiilation-Vampires Of Black Imperial Blood

Look how domestic black metal can be. Rather than opt for the standard, corpse painted dude alone in the woods, Mutiilation choose to show off their antiques collection. It really looks like they might start doing their taxes or something. Utterly ridiculous. Well, musically there's nothing tame here. Dark, buzzy black metal of the French persuasion. These dudes seem to resist happiness like lovers of hot and fresh pizza avoid the Noid. Matt, I know you love the Noid, but you're not going to like this. Just a heads up.

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Burzum-Dauði Baldrs (Balder's Død)

Can't say this is my favorite Burzum album. The early buzzy drone is a bit more appealing, but this dark, keyboard ambiance is prefect for the first snowy day this year. So this was released while Varg was in prison for proving just how kvlt he trooly is. It can sound a little new-agey at times, but that's not necessarily bad. I think Varg got released somewhat recently. Who knows what new evil acts he's plotting now.

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Darkthrone-Transylvanian Hunger

Here's the test. Download this album. Play it. If you like it, you pass. If not, you do not like music. Soon, there will be a knock on your door. Whereupon a man shall remove your testicles. This will be well deserved.

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Don Rickles-Hello Dummy

One more before the night's through. Anyone who knows me will certainly testify that I love talking about dummies. And living in Morgantown I'm fortunate since there is such an abundance of such people. People who will almost drive off the road because they're busy with scratch off lottery tickets. People who wear white baseball caps. People who love calling my friends and I faggots every time we walk to school. Oh, and the trash heap of human refuse that hangs out in front of the church near Alex's--I can't forget those winners (your super huge jeans might benefit from the addition of more zippers). I can name fifty or so local varieties, and that might be selling the diversity short. Rickles also knows a thing or two about dummies. While his jokes are more racist, homophobic, and misogynistic, than what I'm talking about, his bitterness still makes me laugh. This isn't for prudes even though it's like 40 something years old. But if you don't get the humor then go suck a lemon you sour fuck. So anyways, metal, the theme of the month. Obviously, Donny isn't going to burn a church down or anything, but his hate is strong. Therefore, I proffer that he be included in metal month simply because his disdain for stupidity far exceeds that of any dour Norwegian. This guy's as old as Abe Lincoln's dildoes, and he's still funny.

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Om-Variations on a Theme

I'd hate to admit it, but as much as I have a hard time getting into what all the kids listen to, there still is a lot of new music that is actually pretty good. But one thing I'm a bit concerned about is how the internet has made people's record collection and list of influences are now more important than the actual music. Since so many kids now have never even held a zine, I think there's a move currently afoot to just use the internet to collect a bunch of albums without really putting much leg work into it. I think this convenience has led to bands with great tastes but albums that can never transcend their current musical infatuation. Maybe I'm just old and out of touch, but it's rare for me to find much joy in new music. There's so few new records that within the first track you can't name the five records they listened to while recording. And that makes this band so much more important. Both Al Cisneros and Chris Haikus have been around since I was wearing zubas, and yet, they're more vital now than ever. Their previous band, Sleep, along with High on Fire's Matt Pike, was super awesome. Their nearly an hour song Dopesmoker/Jerusalem) or whatever you want to call it) cleans my head out at least once a month. And while Sleep delivered the goods when it came to super stoned heaviness, Om is an entirely different affair. Drums, Bass, and vocal combine here for some really enlightening and elevating sounds. At times, it almost reminds me more of when Don Cherry was getting all Middle-Eastern. It's heavy for sure, but also melodic and trance inducing. It figures that the best music now isn't some dumb, over-hyped 20 year old. I say fuck the kids and their typical hats.

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Bad News

Pre-Spinal Tap Spinal Tapisms, but probably funnier. If you're like me, you'll agree that the Young Ones was one of the best tv shows of all time. If you're not then you probably think Drop Dead Fred was the best thing Rik Mayall ever did. Okay, okay, it gets better with age. Well anyways, Bottom might actually be better, but that never had Motorhead on it, so who knows. Well, this is three of the Young Ones pre-empting the Tap (by one year). Yes, it's a joke, but it still rocks. C'mon, you can't deny that "Masturbike" is one hell of a song title. I figured after all the grimness a light humor would cleanse the palette. I think Brian May might have even produced this gem. Just don't call it a spoof, it deserves more than that implies.

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Ved Buens Ende-Written in Waters

Keeping it going. Here's an odd one. It definitely gets metal at times, but it's so much more than that. There's a strand of jazziness present, but don't work, the rooftop sax is kept in check. Hmm...what else is here. Prog? Yep, there's a bit of prog in there I believe. I'm guessing they've listen to the Cure as well. Might as well say folk too just for good measure. Ah, who cares. It's a weird, good album.

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Light Shall Prevail-Defeat The Reign Of The Horned One Through The Light Of Christ

Whaaaaa? How did Jesus get in my metal? Yeah, I guess you can probably tell that this isn't some grim, kvlt, blackness. No, no...This is White Metal. Hilarious. Using metal for God is like poking Satan in the ass with a pitchfork. And this is from Lockport. I always knew there was something weird about that town.

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Furze-UTD

I guess coming up with a child's name can be pretty difficult for expecting parents. You don't want to project to much, yet you want to ensure a sense of individuality within the child. There's also social conventions and expectations to consider. And anyone who's ever driven through Indiana is, I'm sure, aware of how horrendous a name can truly be once they are confronted by the massive Tom Raper billboards. What a strange coincide that Woe J. Reaper's (sole member of Furze) parents happened to hit on such a perfect name. I guess sometimes a name can truly determine one's path in life. Okay, now Tristram Shandy is starting to make sense.

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Harvey Milk-My Love is Higher Than Your Assessment of What My Love Could Be

Great, Great, Great album title. It's a situation I'm sure we've all felt before. Taking in the song title and the album cover probably won't clue you in on the sound to be found here. Then, if I told you that they have been know to do spot on covers of entire R.E.M. and Hank Williams records, and that the singer sometimes busts out solo Leonard Cohen covers concerts, you'd probably be even more confused. But the theme of this month, if you haven't already noticed, is metal that those who do not like metal might like. This record, kinda qualifies as metal in that it can be heavy as fuck sometimes. But there's plenty of beauty to be found here as well. The lumbering pace of many of the tracks might test your patience, but I find this to be one of the best records to play when on long walks by oneself in the freezing cold.

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Varghkoghargasmal- Drowned in Lakes & S/T 7"

For Rich. Germans have been great providers of true weirdness. Just give that Amon Duul record a spin and you'll agree. In some odd way, this disc seems related. It's definitely not some hippies playing skulls as bongos and while it's lumped in with metal (I wonder what sub category this could possibly fall into) this is really a one of a kind record. Parts cheesy keyboard, surf guitar, primitive bedroomisms, drunken drums, and god knows what else. Really impossible to describe. Maybe the Jandek of metal. Who knows?

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Urfaust- Urvaterlich Sagen

Sorry about the tiny picture, but that's all I could find. But don't let what you can see of it mislead you. These Dutch ones may associate with the darkness of black metal, and this demo certainly has the right cover for it, but this is really quite pretty. This three track demon consists of a long, droney piece of bliss. The second track would be perfect if you wanted to recreate the mask scene from Eyes Wide Shut. And it all concludes with another spacey piece of darkness. Lesson of the day: don't judge a metal dude by his corpse paint.

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Undor

Ever wonder what a mummy fronted black metal band would sound like? Look no further. These German dudes sound like they raided some ancient tomb, removed the corpse, revived it weekend at bernie's style, and made it sing. This guy sounds as upset as I recently was when an entire jumbo box of nerds proved to have only one oversized nerd. What a gyp. Crazy ineptitude.

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