El Jesus de Mágico-Funeral Home Sessions 7"

One time my buddies got a couple of those Columbus bands to haul their shit down to Morgantown. They got caught in a blizzard and no one showed up to see them. So instead of playing we went down to my friends' warehouse, shot hoops, skated, drank too much, and ended the night covering the Misfits, Black Flag, the Germs and a bunch of other old shit. Fun night. Nice kids. I can see why they'll probably never want to play Morgantown again. They were good then, but they seem to keep getting better. Their pals in Times New Viking and Psychedelic Horseshit seemed to get a bit of hype (new haircuts & clean clothes too) but I put my money on these dudes for kings of the Columbus throne. And live, their singer reminds everyone of a young Mark E. Smith. Yes, this really was recorded in a funeral home.

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Pure Hell-Noise Addiction

If you look at this cover and still don’t want to download this, then I have to seriously question your taste. It’s funny that I can distinctly remember seeing people walk down the street wearing nearly identical outfits. It just all seems so long ago and my memory is getting about as bad as my mother’s. Some will call this proto-afro-punk, but I think it’s simply just some great, fun rock music. Pretty simple really, but it’s a formula that people seem to continuously get wrong. Here what you rock bands need to remember: keep it simple and stupid and you’ll be fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. I'm sure I've written this before but I can't really remember.

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Blue Oyster Cult-Tyranny and Mutation

Oh, is that right? You still mock the almighty B.O.C.? Sure, they had some questionable facial hair and some pretty ridiculous pseudonyms (well, one at least), but why deny their ability to make other bands look like a crab ragoon - paper clip hybrid. Being back in a city full of asses who are more interested in pitchfork's year end list rather than good music makes me feel like I am in a foreign country. What happened to liking great albums of this sort? Does everything have to come pre-approved by someone born in the 90s who owns only cds (less than 500)? Gack...I'm sure someone will eventually write up this band (I'm sure it will be ironic) and then we'll see a bunch of pencil necks running around Buck Dharma tattoos or something like that. Beat them to the punch if you haven't already.

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Lungfish-Necrophones

I can either write the diatribe on why this is the most underrated band of all time or I can just write some pithy, trite post....I'll opt for the pithy post as I two fingers with numb fingertips. My pal Rich describes this band's sound as "chopping wood." Listen to the opening track and I think you'll get what he means. Elsewhere I've already proclaimed my love for all creations by Daniel Higgs, and this is just one more product that I fetishize. Really, can this man do anything wrong? Give him a MacArthur or something.

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Icecross

Here's another spooktacular album to scare the kiddies away. Well, really it isn't all that scary I suppose. But the cover is kinda creepy. I think what makes this so desirable is the fact that they played some serious hard rock and were based in Iceland. Not typically the country you associate with this type of stuff. I always thought they had to sing about elves and shit. Not here. Instead, Icecross choose to rally against religious zealotry and the like. Songs like "Jesus Freaks" still make me smile. Then again, I hate religious nuts so most things that blatantly address their ridiculousness are going to make me smile.

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The Rockets

Nope, this ain't the intergalactic francophonies. This is basically proto-carzy horse before they teamed up with old shakey. I felt like a bit of a dick posting a Neil Young album that didn't feature the amazing guitar of Danny Whitten, so I suppose this is some act of atonement or something. But if you're into Neil Young at all (and why wouldn't you be) then this is a record that might pique your interest.

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The 39 Clocks-Pain it Dark

I don't know how popular nuggets style 60s rock was in German when these guys released their debut (1981, I think). I'm sure V.U. the Monks, and rock that G.I.s brought over still had some resonance. So it doesn't seem all that surprising that these guys would take up that sound, slow it down, drug it out, and fuck it with some buzzy electronics. Finally, these guys are getting some hype. Much to late, as it typically the case.

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Halo of Flies-Music for Insect Minds

It seems that lately rock has taken a turn for the wimpy. Sure, I love plenty of fey shit (past posts should make this fairly obvious), and I'm certainly no muscle bound DudeBro, but I still feel that there's a vacant throne previously sat upon by these miscreants. Sure, there's still some bands out there that provide us with some bitter self-loathing rock, but this hate faced masterpiece (collecting all of their 7"s and some comp tracks) distill the misanthropy to its crystalline essence. And "Tired and Cold" has to be one of my all time favorite songs. Get pissed again.

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Hackamore Brick-One Kiss leads to Another

April Fools Day must be one of the best days of the year. As a lover of pranks & hoaxes a day devoted to chaos, mischief, and misdirection is super appealing. But I promise, I'll resist the urge to post something jokey and claim it's up to snuff, or make some stupid comment that is intended to mislead you readers. Instead, I'll be content with taping paper fishes on unsuspecting people's backs and posting some of my favorite albums in honor of this day. And here's another all time favorite. This lp was given to me by a friend who later insinuated that I stole it from him (I didn't). But anyways, I'm glad I ended up with a copy of this and it's definitely worth the price of a friendship, since this is some amazing rock. This might have been the first band to really draw from V.U. and still make it their own. Kinda like the Modern Lovers at times, but with a 70s soft-ish rock edge. I think after years of fan begging this made it onto cd a few years back. Makes me wonder what took them so long. And I like the guy on the left's socks.

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The Touched

Oh no. Only tiny pictures can be found. And I'm definitely too lazy to scan them in. But I think we'll live. Well, with the resurrection of the godly Jesus Lizard, we might not need the Touched anymore, seeing as they seemed to emerge from the toxic sperm/sweat/oil pool that birthed J.L. But that might not be fair, since they temper their sound with some 70s Clevo punk. Raw rawk from Louisville (Lewis-ville now being the preferred pronunciation over the standard and overly affected Lurvul) that continues to please. C'mon, what's more loving than a song like "Baby's not a Whore"? Maybe they should play that at weddings. Possibly a few funerals too.

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John Philips-The Wolfking of L.A.

As one of the more successful daughter fuckers of recent times, Philips was expected to roll out the same dull crud as he did in the Mamas & the Papas. But the heroin said otherwise. This is a burnt album where you can probably hear the cook spoons clanking in the background if you listen hard enough. And while I'm making it sound like a mess, it really isn't. It's really a great pop record by someone whose just falling apart. There was no way he'd ever be able to top this. Everyone says that if the Mamas & the Papas recorded this it would have been better, but fuck that noise, I don't want to hear Mama Cass' fat ass bleating out garbage on this beauty.

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