Ville Moskiito-Retkikertomuksia

I’m too old to fuck around with the internet and figure out what this is all about. My knowledge of Scandinavian languages is pretty shit, but I figure this to be Finnish. Have no clue if that’s right though. So if you’re the type of person who trolls blogs voice little corrections to my posts, why not reinsert your main into your mum’s cunny (guess who’s read Pepys too) and leave the writing to the drunken losers. The only thing lamer than my bullshit ecrits is those who want to actually correct them. I think reading more than one of my posts will surely convince you that I spend the minimum amount of time drafting these shit stains. I don’t even fucking edit them let alone fact check. So if I sez this is a mantis dragging its rigid appendages across some Venusian stringed instrument, darling, you really don’t need to tell me it was made on Jupiter.

Here (Reup 6/6/12)

Nekropolis-Musik aus dem Schattenreich

NOT METAL. Don't let that pile of skulls fool you. This is not a metal album people. I know some of my friends who read this think that I'm going to keep pressing them on why they should listen to metal. I'm not doing that here. I can tell who has enough of a sack to listen to some throat shredding and who would rather listen to Sufjan Stevans. So this is not a ploy. Despite its cover and its name, this is actually some weird ambient, synthy, kautish, dark space explorations that are really a great late night listen. Friends, I promise that you can actually fall asleep to this album. But it might be a little difficult only in that it really is captivating. Definitely not new age. Or metal.

Here

Chris Morris-Blue Jam

This is often described as ambient radio comedy, and I guess that's what I'll go with too. If you have any interest in British comedy (and if you don't than go watch the Hangover or some other frat boy bullshit), than this will probably be for you. This is from the guy who had a sketch called "Christ's Cock and Balls" so you know it can't be all that bad. Brian Eno, Labradford, Aphex Twin, are just some of the artists these surreal sketches are laid over. Why the hell are we content to have such stupid comedies when things like this are successful elsewhere. Instead we have Judd Apatow and other half tards that churn out the same formulaic garbage. People, wise up. We can actually have humor again. So take off that stupid white baseball cap. Swap out those cargo shorts. Tuck in that button down shirt. And just hide that tribal tattoo (ooh, so tough). It's time to stand up and demand comedies that don't treat us like the idiots that we are.

Here

Burzum-Dauði Baldrs (Balder's Død)

Can't say this is my favorite Burzum album. The early buzzy drone is a bit more appealing, but this dark, keyboard ambiance is prefect for the first snowy day this year. So this was released while Varg was in prison for proving just how kvlt he trooly is. It can sound a little new-agey at times, but that's not necessarily bad. I think Varg got released somewhat recently. Who knows what new evil acts he's plotting now.

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Urfaust- Urvaterlich Sagen

Sorry about the tiny picture, but that's all I could find. But don't let what you can see of it mislead you. These Dutch ones may associate with the darkness of black metal, and this demo certainly has the right cover for it, but this is really quite pretty. This three track demon consists of a long, droney piece of bliss. The second track would be perfect if you wanted to recreate the mask scene from Eyes Wide Shut. And it all concludes with another spacey piece of darkness. Lesson of the day: don't judge a metal dude by his corpse paint.

Here